March 23, 2014 9:37 pm
It never ceases to amaze me where my life has been able to take me. Its all because I am sober and am living of life in recovery.
I think that sometimes I may sound like a broken record when it comes to this blog.. but that is the way that it is. I am in Washington DC right now on a work trip. People actually trust me with decisions that can have an effect on the business that I work for. I remember when I was not allowed to bartend by myself because I would mess up the money so bad that it would have to be counted by multiple people after my shift. I was not the best employee then.. and now I have the keys to my own future.
I was checking into the hotel this evening and the front desk clerk asked me if I would like the keys to the minibar… and I got to say no. That right there is a miracle in its own right.
Not only do I have an amazing life in recovery.. but I have some great people around me that I have been able to help start along this path. One person in particular seems to always send me a text exactly when I need it. I know now that this is just how it always works when it comes to people in recovery.
This person was someone that I knew when I was drinking… but that was about the extent of our relationship. I would serve him drinks and he would drink them. We would acknowledge each other in passing but that was about all that we would do with each other.
For some reason.. that was not going to be the extent of our relationship. There was going to be much more for us then merely just passing like two drunken ships in the night. He asked me if I would take him to a meeting.. and so we went. The rest is history.
I love that it works like that sometimes.
March 15, 2014 10:02 am
It really is pretty easy when you break it down to a 24 hour program.
Just trying to live in 24 hour blocks and let the past take care of itself and let the future unfold for itself. Well actually this sounds really easy in the first place. Sometimes I think that this was much easier when I was in early sobriety. I really only had the day that was in front of me to think about. There really was not that much else.
During the first couple of years of my sobriety I was thinking about one thing… it was my primary purpose. (It should still be my primary purpose)… To stay sober and to help other alcoholics achieve sobriety. That was all that I had to think about. I was told that I had to plan my day around meetings and most days there would be two that I would plan around. One foot in front of the other… go to meetings and don’t drink in between.
As my life has moved a long… 6 years later, my mind has added a whole bunch on new things to the mix. Sometimes I have a lot of trouble concentrating on the present because my head is somewhere else. I have been trying to live in the present more. What does this mean really? How do you do this?
I am open to all of your suggestions.
Last night… I was going to see a friend that had just recently quit here job because she had gotten a newer one… a better one. All of my old friends were going to be there and I was intent on going. As I drove up to the place that everyone was I started to have doubts about going in. Then the justifications started to creep in…. “you have to work tomorrow, you have a really big TV at home and a whole queue of Netflix.”
I even saw a parking place that would have let me walk on a couple of blocks…. but once those justifications crept into my head it was all over. I was going home.
The reason that I bring this up is because I feel like I keep doing this… I am just doing the easier thing because its comfortable. That meeting of friends for that reason will not happen again. Now I regret that I did not go.
When I am ready to leave this world… I don’t want to have those regrets. I know that they seem little.. and that I have plenty of time. One day I won’t have anytime left… and I want to live them to the fullest as they come.
I just wanted to put it out there. I want to take the power out of it… Life is good. I get to make these kinds of observations today.
March 3, 2014 9:52 am
Tonight…. I am sitting here writing this post and I am not feeling super good.
For the longest time I have been trying to figure out what has been wrong with me. I have been thinking about my day and all of the things that I did. I have been thinking about the other alcoholics that I have talked to over the course of my path. I think about the person that I reached out to today…. just letting him know that I knew exactly how he felt and that I was there.
I just could not put my finger on what was making me feel so blue.. at this very moment. Then I had a flashback to my early recovery. I thought about something that was taught to me at the very beginning.
H.A.L.T. – Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired
Hmmmm…. was I at all hungry, angry, lonely or tired right now.
I was a combination of all three. I had totally forgotten about this basic foundation for my very happiness. It was just as simple as that.
I have not eaten since about 2pm and it was not approaching 9 in the evening. I had some bottled up resentment that I was dealing with.. something that I had to work a 10th step on pretty quickly. Sometimes… I am just plain lonely, even when I am surrounded by people that love me and care about me. This was one of those times. I have been pretty tired for the past couple of days because I have been staying up late just watching Netflix.
I was a combination of all 4 of these things.
This was one of the most valuable things that I was ever taught in my recovery. It breaks it down to the very basics of what is needed. Its not heady or psycological… and it is not really that complicated. I know what I have to do. I have to change these things to improve my mood.
That is what I am going to do.
What are some of the most very valuable things that you learned in early sobriety? Please share them with me and the rest of my readers. You never know…. something that you share could save a life.