Stupid Lists

September 29, 2013 11:21 am Leave your thoughts

I know that I have talked about it before but in never fails to put me in downright amazement. The pure healing power of gratitude and gratitude lists.

This morning I woke up and and was not in the best place. I was having a potty party for myself and I did not like where it was heading. I know what to do when I start to feel like that and it usually starts with cleaning my room. I think that it has to do with the fact that when my room is clean I feel less distracted and cluttered. It never used to be like that before. I could care less about the state of my room when I was tearing it apart trying to find something when I was drunk.

I got out of my house and went to a place that makes me happy and I started to write. This writing will always turn into a gratitude list because I can not stay down for long.

When I get into gratitude…. I always find the way back to the light of my life. I can see the things that made me really sad in the beginning of the day in a different way. It offers a different perspective for me and that is what I need.

I can remember the feeling that I would get when someone would remedy every issue that they had with a gratitude list. It was basically one if disgust and resentment billig viagra kaufen. Really I think that it was a feeling of jealousy. A desire to have that remedy in my pocket whenever I wanted it…

I have always had that remedy at my disposal and I always will.

Positive Power

September 27, 2013 9:00 am Leave your thoughts

There have been a couple of events in my life over the last 2 years that have really tested my resolve…. These events have brought me to new places within my recovery. They have opened up new doors that I was always afraid to open before.

They were opened up by higher power because that was what I needed at that moment and I was ready.

What was really brought to the forefront this time last year was how important changing my diet and starting to exercise regularly would impact my positive outlook. Instead of waiting for positive energy to come to me I decided that I would do the work that I had to do to seek and find it.

I noticed that my daily outlook was improved and my overall well being was much better then it had ever been before. This was right after a traumatic life even t also.

Now there has been another life event happen and I have again want to do everything that it takes to not let myself get sucked into a place of sorrow and resentment.

I’m not saying that I am not feeling my feelings… I am letting them wash over me like a wave from the ocean.. The key is that I am not letting myself stay in the water. I am just letting it wash over me and then let the tide recede.

This time I have integrated something new to my overall spiritual practice… and that is Yoga! I know what you are saying… how could you get help with yoga?

I can tell you that I was pretty skeptical of yoga before I started practicing it. There was one thing that I knew about it. I knew that it was something that people that I know and love really swore by. I have read countless articles and testimonies of people that are in recovery about the immense impact that it has made in their recovery. I knew that the only thing that it could be for me is positive.

I decided that I was going to do anything that it took for me to keep myself in this positive self loving state. I knew that was where I wanted to be. I was going to use diet, yoga and just plain loving myself to accomplish this.

It has only been a week and I now know why these people that I love and respect have put such a high value on yoga. I will let you all know how it is going in the next couple of weeks.

I am very grateful that my higher power had given me the strength to overcome the fear that was keeping me from trying it.

What helps you stay positive?

I Need Help

September 20, 2013 2:17 pm Leave your thoughts
the possibilities are endless

the possibilities are endless

Have you had someone in come up to you in recovery and ask you how the heck that you did it? You might have a couple of days, or a couple of weeks.. or maybe even a couple of years under your belt and you seem like a recovery God to the newcomers that are around you.

When I first came into the Beacon HouseSM I remember seeing the people that were coining out of the House and wanted so much to be them. I just wanted to trade places with them. I really didn’t want to do the work so much I just wanted the result. That was pretty much how I wanted everything. The amazing result with none of the work.

I wanted to be like those people that had left the House after their 28 days to go back to their lives. Really.. deep down, that was what I wanted….. I just wanted to go back to my life and treat it like nothing ever happened. Except that I just so happened to be not drinking alcohol when I went back to my life. In a nutshell…. the reason that I failed the first time was that I didn’t really want it. There was still this part of me that thought that I could do it my own way and that the experience of others did not apply to me.

When I came back to the Beacon HouseSM…. I wanted it. There was a “Gift of Desperation” that had been given to me.. I was willing to go to any length. That was what it took for me to get to that place of willingness.

So when people ask me if there was any big secret that I knew about achieving sobriety.. and having it stick… I let them know about my secret. That secret is willingness. Willingness to go to any length.

My father put it pretty well when he said…..

“You either want it or your don’t. Its as easy as that. Its black and white…. life and death. You are either willing to go to any length or you are not”

I have always remembered that. It has helped me in many other areas of my life also. When I want to quit or sell myself short.. I just think of my father telling me that.


Shut Up

September 12, 2013 7:30 am Leave your thoughts

 “I am learning to shut up more in the presence of God”-Archbishop Desmond Tutu


Have you ever just taken a moment and let yourself sit and be quite with your thoughts. The 11th Step is the one that covers prayer and meditation…. but do you ever really do it?

It was something that I never really understood until I actually sat down with someone who taught me how to meditate. I was under the impression that I had to sit and chant or hum… and get every single thought out of my mind. This is very hard for an alcoholic and drug addict of my type. Sometimes my head cannot sit still for more then 30 seconds at a time.

What I learned from going to a Meditation in Recovery session at the San Francisco Zen Center was that I did not have to get every single thought out of my mind. I just had to not grab on to thoughts and marinate in them. I would always get discouraged when I would try and start to meditate because I would not be able to get my mind “clear”.

When I saw that there were other people that were having the same issue that were all in the same room it changed the way that I think about my meditation routine. There is also a very beneficial website called that has an iPhone app that integrates soothing audio along with really great instruction.

I have also been watching videos lately that calm me down and put me in a place of gratitude. Here is my favorite.

How do you meditate?

Adrift from Simon Christen on Vimeo.


On The Daily

September 6, 2013 11:40 am Leave your thoughts
The new Eastern Span of the Bay Bridge.

The new Eastern Span of the Bay Bridge.

Do you have a daily routine when it comes to your recovery?

I know that I should but I really don’t and I wonder why some of my days are just a crap shoot. I kind of let the dice roll and the chips fall as they may.

That is not what it says to do in the Big Book… and I know that everyday that I don’t do it. That is my M.O. sometimes… I think that I know the best way to do things for myself and then when I agree to do them the way that they are suggested everything turns out OK. I guess that I am just stubborn. I have been that way throughout my entire recovery. Making the mistakes that have to be made to get me to where I need to be. I think that I know the way that I should be taking… but it is never as good as the one that my higher power chooses for me when I finally let him.

Here is a little excerpt of page 86 in the Big Book… this is what I should be doing.

“When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? Do we owe an apology? Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once? Were we kind and loving toward all? What could we have done better? Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life? But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others. After making our review we ask God’s forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken.

On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. Under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us brains to use. Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives.”

I think one of the advantages for me to do this is that it makes me concentrate on my day. Really just concentrate on one day at a time….  and there are all of the other obvious benefits that come along with a daily housecleaning.

I want to concentrate on the last part of that excerpt.. when it talks about what I should be doing when I rise. It really is a simple thing to do… ask our Higher Power to direct our thinking…. asking that it be free of self-pity and dishonest self-seeking motives.

Thinking about my motives it huge for me. Why am I doing what I am doing? Why am I talking to that person and what purpose is it serving.

This is what I am going to be trying to do everyday… doing what is suggested. I will let you all know how it is going.


September 3, 2013 10:25 am Leave your thoughts

Hello everyone.

What is the most important thing in your life right now? Is it your recovery or is it something else?

I have to admit that sometimes my sights are set on other things and my recovery takes a back seat. I have things that I place above my recovery when I find it convenient or when things in my life are going good. I know that I shouldn’t do this because I know that all that it takes is a momentary lapse… To drive me right back to drugs and alcohol.

I have seen people taken out over less.

My solid foundation is what what matters when the rubber hits the road. When life is happening … No matter good or bad, I have to remember that my recovery always has to come first.. Because without it my life would be nothing.

I have to tell on myself…. At a group level because it take the power out of it. If I keep it inside.. It can turn really bad. I guess this is telling on myself at a blog level!

That’s for being part of my recovery today everyone. Comment away!

Wear it like you mean it.

September 1, 2013 1:24 pm Leave your thoughts

Hey Everyone.. I just want to check in.
Had a relationship end yesterday.. and i am pretty bummed about it. I am happy and grateful for the time that I had and all of the things that I learned.
I love with my whole heart.. and sometimes it gets hurt…. I will not change the way that I love…
This calls for a gratitude list.
1. my recovery and this miracle that I call my life.
2. my ability to love and to be loved.
3. knowing in my heart that I am worthy of love.
4. chocolate.
5. my sense of belonging… to this amazing group of people who want to better themselves…
6. my amazing friends.

This is a pretty amazing talk… that always makes me think about what I am doing on a daily basis in my life. I feel that I am one of those vulnerable people.. that puts their heart on the line.. and experiences life.

None of this would be possible without my recovery…

[ted id=1042]